[Publib] Attitudes in the Library.

[Backwage at aol.com]

In a message dated 3/27/2009 11:24:31 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time,  
terry.lawler at phoenix.gov writes:

1. What sexual positions are good for someone who is 8 months  pregnant?
2. How do I expunge my criminal record?
3. How do I know when my eggplants are ripe?
4. I want to make my car run on old french fry juice, how do I do  it?
5. I need to learn how to cook Mexican food, I just moved in with my dad  and 
I'm tired of eating quesadillas every night.

Just by way of comparison, the questions I have been recently asked while  
working as an analyst and researcher in a private firm:
 
1.  "Is it true that having sex is good for cramps?"  (at first I  thought 
she said "gramps" and had my answer all ready).
 
2.  "How do I expunge my son's criminal record?"
 
3.  "Can you find my son-in-law?" (daughter was  pregnant) 
 
4.  "What is the cheapest place around for Thai food?"  (they  were buying)
 
5.  "You're a librarian?  Why don't you work in a library?   I thought that 
was for women."  (I told him I was pretending)
 
6.  "What does semen taste like?"  (I thought he said, 'cement,'  and said, 
"It tastes like concrete, only dry."  After being corrected I  said, "It 
probably tastes like children."  
 
My patrons aren't homeless drunks; they come back from lunch drunk  
sometimes.  One other difference:  when they ask me complex questions,  I have to 
produce a written report with footnotes.  Last week I put  together a response to 
an RFP in a couple of hours.  
 
Actually, the difference between this work and public library reference is  
that I can act like an old-time librarian.  I can recommend books and  
un-recommend others.  I can set the terms of encounter.  My people can  work me very 
hard (I am on duty 24/7) but they respect me and my work.   Nobody dares to 
correct, doubt or second-guess me.  If they disagree, they  can write their own 
report, and they haven't yet.  
 
On the side, I help some of the employees with their college homework; also  
their kids with whatever they're doing, so long as it isn't math or  
chemistry.  Most of what my firm publishes is written by me:  manuals,  scripts, all 
that sort of thing.  
 
I think that being a librarian (by whatever name) you've got to have two  
attitudes:  one from Jesus and another from God.  You should act  like you want 
to wash the feet of everybody you see, and simultaneously  project that 
everybody ought to pray for your forgiveness.  
 
M. 
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