[Publib] Career Help

[Backwage at aol.com]

Over at newlib a lot of folks are asking what they can do to get a  
non-library job in these hard times.  I have suggested going into writing  and 
research, which is what I do.  But something else comes to mind that I  think could 
help.
 
Librarians are excellent at finding things and organizing  information.  An 
out-of-work library school grad or librarian can use the  library's resources 
in many ways.  First, to find and apply for all sorts  of employment.  Next, to 
interact with professional colleagues--this is  very encouraging and can lead 
to jobs.
 
Finally, the idled librarian type can use the computer and/or print  
resources to identify and locate people whose homes can be burglarized; some of  them 
might even be robbed if the research reveals that they go around with  a lot 
of cash on hand.  Many a clever criminal has used the library  for these 
purposes.  Why should we leave all the good things to them?   Besides, it is a way 
to get a bit of revenge against a society that doesn't  value either the 
librarian or her skills--if you don't believe this, take a look  at your paycheck to 
see how you've been robbed.
 
Most librarians lack up-to-date robbery or thieving skills.  Few of  them are 
adept at cracking windows or carrying off home-invasion heists, but  
knowledge, as we like to say, is only a few keystrokes away.  To begin  with, you 
should research prominent folks in your neighborhood.  Find out  where they live.  
If they belong to social clubs, dig up schedules--it's a  lot better to jimmy 
a window when only the maid is home--she probably makes  about what you do 
and won't mind you stepping on the curtains if you're  polite.  Oh, and learn 
Spanish.  Many household slaves are underpaid  foreign nationals from Hispanic 
countries.  A few nice words will get them  on your side; maybe they will even 
show you where the Master of the House keeps  his coin collection.  
 
Also:  know when to use violence.  Is it more lucrative to  pistol-whip the 
man of the house, or just threaten?  This is another skill  that will come in 
handy when you are managing your own library.
 
[It is very important that you do not kidnap kids unless you have a place  to 
put them.  If you must, leave them in the children's section of the  library; 
they will be indistinguishable from the others dumped there, and will  
doubtless be happier than at home with the folks.]
 
Do some hard thinking about murder.  It is not something to take  lightly.  
Most thefts are treated like squashed bugs by the police, but if  you off some 
fool, even if he wouldn't give up the leather, they'll put the eye  on you but 
good.  You might end up doing life, clerking in the library at  the state 
pen, and they don't have wireless connections, believe me.
 
My suggestion is that you begin by dipping into the cash box, just to see  if 
you like the feeling.  Give a look at gun magazines to see if they've  got 
something that matches your purse.  When you see patrons, don't just  think of 
service, think of opportunities.  What the heck, if you  don't ever become a 
thief, you can always run a retirement plan.
 
M. McGrorty
**************A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy 
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