[Publib] Notifying Candidates

[Backwage at aol.com]

Back when I was interviewing for library positions I always wished I could  
get honest responses from the systems I got turned down by.  Perhaps you  
guys could consider a letter like this:
 
Dear Candidate,
 
Many thanks for your application.  After careful consideration we have  
decided to hire another candidate.  This was because
 
a.  We never intended to hire anybody; we only had to interview three  
outsiders before putting on the woman we moved over "temporarily" last  fall.
 
b.  Your resume scared us very badly and we don't want to be shown up  by 
some kid.
 
c.  We've decided to save money by using interns and non-librarians in  
that position while raising salaries of our administrators, who never make  
patron contact at all but who might move elsewhere if we did not pay them for  
holding down desks near windows.
 
d.  We split the position into two part-time jobs on the advice of the  HR 
guy, and you weren't either of them, Chief.
 
or maybe like this:
 
Dear Friend,
 
We regret to inform you that you were not chosen for the position of  
librarian in our system.  Our records indicate that you applied six years  ago, 
but it has taken us this long to get around to informing you because that's  
just how things move around this place, through no fault of our own.  If  
you have received this note in error, please feel free to apply to our library 
 whenever you wish.
 
Or--
 
Hey pal--
 
You didn't get the job.  That's okay, you'll get another one somewhere  
else.  Actually that's not true, but if we told you the truth, which is  that 
about half of library school graduates never find work in a library, then  
people would get pretty testy about those student loans, wouldn't they?  At  
least give us credit for honesty.  We're trying real hard here to get some  
of the folks here to retire after thirty years but we can't force them to go 
any  more than we can force them to do a day's work, so you can see the fix 
we're  in.  By the way, I don't have any position in the library, I just 
happen to  be the janitor and I saw your resume on the desk.  Pretty impressive 
I must  say.  Why don't you go into some field where they'll appreciate 
you?   My niece is in medical school.  We're all very proud of her.  Give it  
some thought.  Enclosed you will find a couple of bucks.  Have a beer  on me.
 
Charlie the night clean-up guy
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