[Publib] Friday Humor: Satan in the library

[George Hazelton]

So Joe.... Did you enjoy a Saturnalia on Saturna??  Inquiring minds want to
know!

-----Original Message-----
From: publib-bounces at webjunction.org [mailto:publib-bounces at webjunction.org]
On Behalf Of Joe Schallan
Sent: Saturday, August 30, 2008 4:58 PM
To: publib at webjunction.org
Subject: [Publib] Friday Humor: Satan in the library

[Publibbers -- my first posting of this message yesterday (Friday) doesn't
seem to have "taken," so I shall try again. My apologies if it ends up
appearing twice. --Joe Schallan]


(Blushing) Gosh, thanks to all for the very kind words, including Susan
Thaler, who called what I do "delightfully off-kilter meandering," which is
an awfully nice thing to call what I have always felt to be mere bloviating.

Bloviate.

Now there's a fine American English verb. And between now and November we
shall have much bloviation from sea to shining sea. (Shouldn't that be
"shining sea to shining sea"? If not, then which one is the shining one and
which is the dull-matte-gray one? I would assume, of course, that it is the
Pacific that is the shining one. When the Beach Boys sang about surfin'
U.S.A., they certainly weren't referring to coastal New Jersey.)

(And there, my friends, you have as good an example of bloviation as any.)

Like our professional bloviators, a.k.a. "candidates for public office," I
must clarify my remarks.

I didn't say I was leaving the list, just taking the bloviating over to my
blog. (Note alliteration: bloviating . . . blog. Please say "The blowsy
bibliophile blurbed his bloviated blog" ten times in twenty seconds.)

By blogging I will feel neither constrained nor guilty, and can let 'er rip,
meandering-wise. I think it is a good compromise and addresses the valid
objection to off-topicality run amok.

And certainly I will continue to contribute to Friday Humor . . . as long as
it is somehow library-related humor.

And so . . .

Yesterday I was at our reference desk when a serious young lady appeared and
said "I'm doing a paper on Satan, and I don't see anything in your biography
section." I was struck speechless for just a moment by this oddly phrased
inquiry and my colleague, wag that he is, immediately declared that "gee, I
thought we had plenty on Bill Gates back there."

Several years ago an article appeared in Scientific American that
investigated why there has been so little improvement in white-collar
productivity despite the tens of billions spent each year on PCs, software,
and networks by U.S. businesses and government agencies. Research into this
conundrum indicated that the average white-collar worker spends between five
and six hours per week futzing with her or his computer, trying to connect
to things, print things, save things, and so on. All the while, programs
like Microsoft Word add more and more features, with commands to do things
rising from 300 initially to well over one thousand today, rendering such
programs increasingly opaque and user-hostile.

Bill Gates and his operating systems and applications have probably
accounted for at least tens of billions of person-hours lost in the
workplace, if not outright psychosis in professional workers. The article
pointed out that not only does the individual worker go nuts when his
document refuses to print, but he also tends to drag three or four
within-earshot colleagues into his problem, thereby tripling or quadrupling
the lost productivity. Not one, but four or five end up in a communal
headscratching session.

I figure Bill Gates alone is responsible for retarding human progress by at
least 20 years. Without Windows, we would have cured cancer by now, figured
out cold fusion, and perfected the solar-powered automobile, not to mention
devised practical rocket-belts for commuting to the library. Instead we have
invested billions of hours into wondering what the hell happened to the
printer driver and why won't the one we need download from the tech support
site. Only the presence of a few proud, brave Macs has kept the social
fabric from unraveling entirely.

Oops. Bloviation.

Sorry.


Joe Schallan
Phoenix

PS. Part of the reason you did not hear from me during most of July and
August was that I was on vacation for some of that time, on Saturna and
Galiano Islands, British Columbia, two very lovely and fine places. At some
point, I shall post an account of our visit to the Eddie Reid Memorial
Library on Saturna Island to my Flickr page -- it is quite impressive for an
island that has only 300 year-round residents.

British Columbia's motto is "Splendor Sine Occasu," which means something
like "splendor without relent." Indeed, it is true. And in addition to the
scenic splendors, one has the splendid British Columbians themsevles. Great
place, great people (even if the money has hockey players, bears, loons,
beavers, caribou, and Her Majesty the Queen on it).

(The money is . . . ahem! . . . worth a bit more these days than it used to
be.)











      


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