[Publib] Publib and e-immortality, on a Friday (was Library Administration)

Sat May 31 07:52:43 EDT 2008

Dear List Readers,

As a result of these discussions, I have set Ron to: Moderate
and I have set Joe to: Extreme

Hopefully, as Ron progresses in his career I can increase his
settings too.

Thanks for this Saturday morning amusement Joe! :)

*************************************************
Robert L. Balliot
Skype: RBalliot
Bristol, Rhode Island
http://oceanstatelibrarian.com/contact.htm
*************************************************

-----Original Message-----
From: publib-bounces at webjunction.org [mailto:publib-bounces at webjunction.org]
On Behalf Of Joe Schallan
Sent: Saturday, May 31, 2008 3:13 AM

James B. Casey wrote:

"One thing that is evidently NOT being taught at Wayne State LS program (or
wherever Ron attends) or in other LIS programs is the reality that posting
to a List should be treated as a PUBLICATION that is representing one to
thousands of professionals in the Library field."

If this is true, I am toast.

Good thing I am a Jurassic librarian, nearing retirement, if not extinction,
and unlikely to be sending my resume to you all. Unless my masters really do
tick me off just one too many times.

So imagine . . .

Ms. Library Director (to her Adult Services chief): "OK. Hand me that stack
of resumes you've been collecting and let's see what kind of material we
have for our new Assistant Director's slot."

Chief: "We've received 37 so far. I've taken the liberty of doing a rough
sort, and put the best on top."

Director: "Hey, great! May save us a little time! Thanks!"

Chief (picking up the topmost resume): "This one is especially good. Real
veteran. Has been a manager. Lots of frontline experience. I've got a
reference letter here -- says he's brilliant, good people skills . . . a
real mensch. Here's another letter -- 'you'll find him to be a gentleman,
diplomat, scholar, and saint.' "

Director: "Wow. Let me see it."

(Chief hands resume to the Director.)

Director: "Holy Jesus! Joe Schallan!!"

Chief (thinking how uncharacteristic it is for her boss to express herself
theologically): "Uh . . . you know him?"

Director: "Know him? Know him?? He's been on Publib for YEARS!!"

Chief:  "So that's . . . good?"

Director:  "Good? Good?? Let me tell you . . . this guy once proposed to
blow up, gas, or shoot patrons who come behind the desk to take materials!
He proposed burning donations to heat the library in winter!  He suggested
cutting the library's patrons loose and replacing them with more cooperative
patrons in India! He said we should put RFID chips in patrons as well as in
books! He . . . (catching her breath)"

Chief:  "I don't believe it!"

Director:  "You can google him. Google sees Publib. It's all there. He made
sure of that. Even the bogus press release from 1997 that claimed Nicholson
Baker was starting a technology-free library in San Francisco."

Chief:  "That was bogus?"

Director:  "You fell for that??"

Chief:  "Well, uh . . . "

Director:  "It's OK. So did American Libraries."

Chief:  "Sounds like he'd be interesting to work with . . . "

Director:  "Interesting?  Interesting??  If you think a guy who knows 137
synonyms for the word 'scrotum' -- and *shares* them -- is interesting?"

Chief: "Yeah, but (pointing to recommendation letter) . . . 'gentleman,
dioplomat, scholar, saint  . . . ' "

Director:  "Right. Sure. I have a bridge in Brooklyn for sale. If you think
I'm going to unleash that wacko on our patrons . . . well, maybe you should
join him at wherever he ends up.  You'd like his Seventeen Snappy Responses
to the Question 'Do you work here?', I'm sure!"

Chief: "I could use those . . . er, I mean . . . No, no.  It's OK.  Never
mind."

Director: "So who wrote that recommendation, anyway?"

Chief: "Somebody named John Richmond."

Director: "Figures. Those operaphiles stick together. They probably have a
secret handshake."

Chief: "Like Freemasons?"

Director:  "Exactly."

Chief:  "Yeah, but, you know . . . "

Director:  "What?"

Chief:  "Think about our patrons."

Director:  "Yeah, so?"

Chief:  "Unleashing a complete wacko on them may not be such a bad idea."

Director:  "Hmmmmm.  I see what you mean.  But as opposed to a partial
wacko?"

Chief:  "From what you are telling me, this Joe Schallan is no partial
wacko."

Director:  "Nope."

/playlet

An advantage of being in one's late 50s, near retirement, and not likely to
be job hunting again is the expansion of one's freedom of expression.  And
the closer one gets to the actual concluding date, the greater the
expansion.  At last, on the ultimate and final day, the expansion of
expression approaches infinity:  What will they do, fire you in the morning?

I customarily do the closing announcement, and in the spirit of the above, I
have begun scripting my announcement for my final moment in the library.
Here are some possibilities.  Let me know what you think.

1. May I have your attention?  The library will be closing in five minutes.
Please complete your work on the computers and bring your selections to the
checkout desk at the front of the building.  For those of you connecting to
Kansas City and Shreveport, we would ask that you remain at your
workstations, with seatbelts fastened, until the library has come to a
complete stop at the gate.

2.  I have never, ever, ever been paid to sit and read.  I just want you all
to know that.

3.  Hi. It's my last night, and there are a hundred things about the library
"they" don't want you to know.  Kevin Trudeau won't be telling you, and
neither will I, because I'm taking the secrets with me to the grave. But
here's a teaser: "Cookery!"  Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

4. Good evening. We're about to close, and I am about to leave, as it is my
last night on the job. I just wanted to tell everyone in the building that I
have told the circ staff to forgive a lot of fines, but never for any of
you. Not even once.

5. You know that book on self help with the red cover that you were so angry
I couldn't find?  Well, I ate it!  Ha ha ha ha ha!!

6. It is my last night and I have enjoyed serving you these last 25 years. I
wouldn't feel right if I left without telling you about Fiction. It's all
made up.

7. We'll be closing in five minutes. It's my last night. I'm retiring. In my
long experience, when I have been confronted with difficult decisions, I
have found great help in simply asking myself, "What would The Dude do?"

8.  Good night and good luck. The library abides.

Joe Schallan
Phoenix

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