[Publib] Re: Venting and a situation

[Angie Cope, AGSL]

In these events ... I pretend that I'm being tested by a "secret 
shopper" sent by the library board. I call upon all my training and all 
the grace taught to me throughout my life and I "act" as best as I can 
even though I'd like to dish it back.

If I'm having a tough day and don't think I can keep my cool, I ask for 
help from a coworker.

-a-

Susan Thaler wrote:
> Michele,
>
> I can really sympathize--I had a somewhat similar experience in the very earliest days of my reference career.  I was working on a Sunday afternoon when a woman (perhaps in her 40's?) came in with a younger woman (maybe 20's, who I thought was probably her daughter) and a little boy around 2.  The older woman sat down at one of the Internet computers, the younger woman went into the reference section to look at a book, and they both proceeded to completely ignore the little boy, who climbed up on a kickstool and started to emit screeching noises at the top of his lungs.  I wasn't really sure who was the mother of the child and so I caught his eye and did a friendly version of the librarian "shush".  The older woman immediately began screaming at me that I had no right to tell that child what to do since it wasn't my child, and that I must be stupid for thinking that I could, and that I must not have children of my own to think that I could.  I rather lamely replied that I did have children, and she responded that in that case, I must be a stupid a**hole.  She seemed to like that term particularly, and continued to use it profusely in a very loud voice for a few minutes, until I finally told her that she had to leave the library.  She refused, and finally I called the police to escort her out.
>
> Obviously, this incident has remained fresh in my mind for a long time--it happened at least 10 years ago.  I'd like to say that I subsequently had some great epiphany about how to handle a similar situation in the future, but not really.  Mostly, when dealing with someone who is really irate, I just do my best to keep a calm exterior (no matter how many somersaults my stomach is doing), and remember to breathe.  I've probably become a little better over the years at keeping an eye on potential situations and keeping things from getting out of control.  But this one came from so far out in left field that I'm not sure I would do any better with it today.  Maybe I would take it a little less personally.  We do have zero tolerance for anyone who verbally abuses staff members--and the library director backs this up.
>
> Sorry you had to go through this--it can really ruin your week.  Know that for each "problem patron", there really are scores more people out there who appreciate you and all that you do--they just aren't always as demonstrative!
>
> Hope this week is better for you.
> Susan Thaler
>
>   
>> Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:58:23 -0400 
>>     
> From: "Michele Haytko" <michele.haytko at gmail.com> 
> Subject: [Publib] Venting and a situation 
> To: publib <publib at webjunction.org> 
> Message-ID: 
> <15e475fa0608111358l37c8ec09xcddb5807dc63598a at mail.gmail.com> 
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=WINDOWS-1252; format=flowed 
>
> I am on the verge of a breakdown and just wanted to get some other 
> public library opinions of a situation. 
>
> Never before, in 10 years of library service, have I been called the 
> names I've been called or put up with the verbal abuse that I put up 
> with now.  (I have snipped my signature because I dont want to draw 
> attention to my library, but rather to the situation).  Just moments 
> ago, a woman, who has been screaming at her four kids- who have been 
> running in and out of our small room of the library-, on her cell 
> phone, talking loudly, etc., just freaked out on me- because I told 
> her child, for the FOURTH time, to stop running.  In the forty minutes 
> that she has been here, I have had to ask her to get off her cell, 
> stop yelling at her kids, stop yelling in general, ask her kids to 
> stop running, then the four comments to her kids.  She just walked 
> back to my desk and yelled at me, said I had "one of those" 
> personalities, where I liked to disrespect people, etc., etc. 
>
> I am at my wits end, ready to walk out and not come back, not because 
> today has been bad, but because I'm tired of being called a bitch 
> (pardon the language and being yelled at, when all I am trying to do 
> is help people.  Given the hugs and the smiles and the "thank yous" 
> make up for so much, but some days, the mean spirited people just hit 
> me harder. 
>
> Do other people in public libraries share these experiences?  How do 
> you handle them?  And for library directors, how do you handle when 
> your staff report instances like this?  How do you handle patrons who 
> mistreat staff?  If a staff person gave back what a patron dished out, 
> would they be reprimanded, and if so, do you equally reprimand a 
> patron who is verbally assaultive to a staff member who doesn't "fight 
> back"? 
>
> Hope everyone else's Friday is ending better than mine is. 
>
> Michele 
>
>   

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